Hey guys, today I want to just chat and talk some things out. I’m in 9th month of my pregnancy and boy… I hate it.
I hate everything about being pregnant.
But let me start in the beginning. Two and a half years ago, we decided to have a baby. So we started to “not being careful” routine and then after a year, when nothing happened, I started counting fertile days and still, nothing. So I have been pretty much depressed because I felt like complete failure of doing the one thing women are programmed to do.
So we decided to go through IVF. I don’t know about the USA, but in Czech Republic, national health covers big chunk of the fees, so you have to pay only like 1500 dolars (if you are under 38). It is a lot of money here, because wages are much less in Czech Republic than in the USA, but still it could easily bee 6000 dolars if you are not under 38.
We went to the first meeting, they did some tests on us and we went home. They also told us, that the test results are going to be ready in a month, so we should wait and try some more baby making.
And little did we know that I was pregnant when we went on our first meeting. There was no possible way for anyone to detect my pregnancy yet. Because it was two days after ferlitization. So we were like, YESSS! Finally! And also YES we saved a LOT of money.
I went to my doctor and she confirmed my pregnancy and I was really, really overwhelmed with happy feelings. After first month I started to notice a little changes, like for instance – I can’t brush my teeth anymore without feeling nauseated. Or that I felt sick for days for no reason. No vomiting, but super nauseated, so you can’t eat and you feel weak, and that was anoying as hell. This lasted 3 months. I also bled a lot, so I didn’t even know if the baby would survive. So constant stress about loosing a baby was very horrible.
Second trimester, at least the beginning was fine I guess. Nausea stopped almost completely and I felt a little bit human again. We went to Lignano, Italy and again, nobody tells you, I started to feel a little bit different. We went for a day trip and boyyyy… that was a mistake. I didn’t know I wouldn’t be able to complete such an easy trip (combination of boat, visiting some old part of the city and little bit of walking). When we went back from the old town and the boat trip, I completely stopped talking. Which was very weird, because I talk all the time. I started to be extremely tired and my head was spinning because of that. And I was like ok, this is weird, we only went for like 8km walk, thats nothing, I should be able complete this without an issue. BIG NOPE. We ended up waiting 45 minutes for a bus because I couldn’t walk anymore and it was like 2 or 3 km back to the camp. So that was a bit shamefull for me. When we got back from Italy, I noticed that the tiredness progressed and that I need a nap a day to be able to do anything. Only one possitive thing in the second trimester was, that I started to feel baby movements <3.
Third trimester started shortly after the italian trip and I started noticing that my insides hurt. It wasn’t that horrible at first, but it progressed into something much more. Now I can’t even lie down without feeling my insides. Emily started to kick like a proper baby and I was happy we made it so far. It was funny actually, because first 2 months I actually freak out every time she kicked, because I didn’t expect that and I wasn’t ready 😀 Not freaking out like running around, but more like a twitch and gasp. And it was amazing, until she found my bladder and she loved kicking it for 2 WHOLE months. So that means you pee on yourself and it hurts like little needles poking into it.
Now in my last month, I am a wreck. Insides hurts much more and my pubic bone hurts as well. Almost to the point I can’t even get out of the bed, roll around or lift up my leg when I want to put on socks or boots. Problem is, it hurts all the time now. I’m constantly tired and hungry. And I can’t wait for this to end.
Don’t get me wrong. I love that tiny human inside of me. But I want her out here in her cute nursery, not inside of me and I want to get a life again and feel human again. Just couple of weeks left. I guess in two weeks, I won’t be able to walk anymore. That pubic bone pain really, really sucks. Emily is head down now, which is great for my bladder, not for my bones. Not sure which of these two pains I would rather have. She weights about 2,5kg now, so the bladder pain would be hammer like, not needle like. 😀
And again and I can’t stress this enough. I love my baby to the death, I just hate the whole pregnancy thing. Just saying, for the haters out there.